Expert advice from Brian Franklin of Vows & Speeches
Today I have a special treat for all of you who are struggling to write your own vows: expert advice from a professional specializing in exactly THAT. I am reprinting his own “words of wisdom” – thank you, Brian, for helping us out here! We at A Day Like No Other and all our couples are so thankful for your advice!
As speechwriters for weddings and other events, we’ve helped write a lot of wedding vows. While there’s no substitute for working with a professional, where you’ll get help with both the writing and the delivery of them, here are five key elements that will help you make the most out of these moments.
1) Brevity:
The hardest part about writing vows is striking the balance between saying what you want to say and the knowledge that your guests are already ready to get to cocktails and may be baking in the hot sun. Two minutes is plenty of time to get across the most important sentiments, touch on the key aspects of your love, and still have a few vows at the end. Longer than that and it can easily be a bit tiresome and potentially start throwing off your timeline. Whatever you decide, it’s very important that you read it out loud, time it, and let your planner know how long it will be.
2) Personalization, Specificity, & Originality
Great vows don’t use generic language or clichés: They are personalized, specific, and original. For example, don’t say things like “you’re my person” but instead say “From that day that you stood in line—in the rain—to get me some pizza from Chiccareli’s because you knew it would make me happy after a hard day at work… I knew I was yours.” Don’t just talk about how much you love them… talk about WHY you love them. What do they do, specifically, that you love? What is it about them that is different? How do they show their love for you? What are the specific examples of how?
Some people, when they first hear about our business, Vows & Speeches, mistakenly think that getting help with writing their vows might make it less personal. In actuality, our interview process helps us dive deeper into their story and feelings about their partner and their relationship then they would have on their own. Over and over again, it’s the specific details we’re able to dislodge—sometimes little moments or aspects of our client’s relationship—that make for the best moments in their vows.
3) Humor
Every good relationship has an element of humor, so your vows should as well. Talk about what’s funny about you two. What makes you laugh? What do you tease each other about (that would be appropriate for a wedding). What do they do or collect that amuses you? What do they like that you hate, but can joke about? When we’re interviewing our clients, we’re looking for those fun parts that maybe won’t be laugh-out-loud jokes, but will put a smile on people’s faces and serve as a counterbalance and release from the heavily sentimental love stuff. Just don’t make jokes that could be potentially embarrassing, upsetting, or otherwise inappropriate for such an important moment.
4) Roughly equal length and quality
There is nothing more awkward that seeing one person say beautiful, fun, and meaningful vows that they clearly put a lot of time and thought into, and then it’s followed with vows that are super-short or clearly thrown together at the last minute after Googling “how to write wedding vows.” If one of you is struggling, lack the writing skills to put it together, or are just running out of time, then get help! We’re happy to help you make it shine.
5) Your actual vows have originality
At the end, there are usually 3-4 actual vows or promises, and as with the other parts of the vows, you’ll want to avoid anything generic or commonly used.
Instead, make promises that speak to what you know about your partner, or what you hope to do to be a better partner to them. You can also have a bit of fun with them. It’s the personalization of the actual vows—the originality that is specific to you and your relationship—that will make them meaningful and more engaging.
Here are some examples:
Vows & Speeches helps you find the words that are in your heart, and gives you the delivery coaching you need to make these moments everything they can be. If you would like some help to make your vows shine, or have questions, please reach out to brian@vowsandspeeches.com, and for more information on Vows & Speeches, visit: https://vowsandspeeches.com.
