Tag Archives: wedding vows

4 Reasons to do your own personalized vows (and not exchange them in private)

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Expert tips from professional speechwriter Brian Franklin at Vows&Speeches

Here at A Day Like No Other, we always team up with experts in their own (wedding-related) fields to optimally serve our clients – and you, our readers! Today again we are delighted to present to you in-depth advice from Brian Franklin, co-founder of Vows&Speeches, an agency specializing in writing vows, toasts and speeches for weddings. So here we go:

Whenever I hear of people exchanging their vows in private, I feel a sense of disappointment. I wish I could have talked to them, because not only are there very compelling reasons to say your vows in the ceremony, a lot of the fear and anxiety that are often keeping people from doing so can be overcome.

Photo credit: Danielle Gillett

Here are some of the reasons couples should do their own vows:

1) Your vows are often one of the best parts of the wedding day:

The vows, when personalized, are many people’s favorite parts! When you say your own vows—which are as much of a declaration of your love and appreciation as they are vows—it’s more powerful than the ring exchange or the I-dos. Your vows are where we get first hand insight from both of you as to what you love the most about each other, what makes you laugh, and ultimately, why we’re all here to see this. It’s a beautiful moment of vulnerability and more impactful than anyone else saying it on your behalf. If you don’t say them, do generic ones, or say them in private, you’re denying yourself the opportunity to learn about you. 

Photo credit: JJ Chen

2) When your guests hear your (personalized) vows, it changes the event:

When you say your own vows, then entire vibe of the event changes. People forget that many of the people in the audience may not know your story as a couple. Perhaps they came from out of town, or they’re more friends of one of the parents. Even your own friends may not know some of your funny backstory or what you saw that caught your eye on that dating app. By giving your story from your (sometimes different) perspectives, your guests can understand you better, and they get more invested in the rest of the event. Importantly, you also get to hear your fiancé say out loud all of the reasons why they love YOU, which is an awesome moment for you as you’re about to seal the deal.

3) The way to alleviate public speaking fears:

There’s a two-part prescription for alleviating any fear (or terror) you might have about public saying your own vows in front of others: Content & Preparation. (Okay… for some of you, there’s a third part: a shot of whiskey.)

When you love your vows—when you’re truly happy with what’s written and confident your vows represent how you feel and are written well—they’re simply easier to say.  

Photo credit: Frank J. Lee

This is where time is important: You need to give yourself adequate time, not just for the writing part, but for practicing out loud in front of someone who can help you with the delivery. By saying your vows, 15-20 times, out loud, you automatically get more and more comfortable. When you add some coaching on how to deliver your vows better, the fear starts to evaporate. It becomes something you know how to do.  

When you love the content and you’ve been given guidance on the delivery aspects, it changes everything about how you go into these moments.  

There’s an added bonus for those of you prone to sentimental crying: The act of saying your vows out loud, over and over again, takes enough of the sting out of the words to allow you to get through them without sobbing jags. Don’t worry, you’ll still get the feels, just not in the way you might be worried about.

Photo credit: Megan Reeves

4) They’re as much of a memento to your love as any picture, video, or keepsake. 
You will always have them. Whether you watch the video, see a picture of your partner reading them, or hang them in written form on your wall, your vows are a tribute to your love and that moment you will cherish forever. During hard times, should they ever come, they become something to reference.

Vows & Speeches helps you find the words that are in your heart, and gives you the delivery coaching you need to make these moments everything they can be. For more information on how we can help you create custom vows, or for info on our wedding speech or ceremony services (or for other engagements), please visit https://vowsandspeeches.com or email [email protected] for more info.  More information on our vows services can be found here. 

Brian Franklin is a communications and public speaking expert and the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches. Prior to Vows & Speeches, he was a communications and advertising consultant for political and public affairs campaigns. He’s been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, ABC News, Brides, Bridal Guide, the Knot, and many more. 

How to write great vows: The 5 key elements

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Expert advice from Brian Franklin of Vows & Speeches

Today I have a special treat for all of you who are struggling to write your own vows: expert advice from a professional specializing in exactly THAT. I am reprinting his own “words of wisdom” – thank you, Brian, for helping us out here! We at A Day Like No Other and all our couples are so thankful for your advice!

As speechwriters for weddings and other events, we’ve helped write a lot of wedding vows. While there’s no substitute for working with a professional, where you’ll get help with both the writing and the delivery of them, here are five key elements that will help you make the most out of these moments. 

Photo credit: Frank J. Lee

1) Brevity:

The hardest part about writing vows is striking the balance between saying what you want to say and the knowledge that your guests are already ready to get to cocktails and may be baking in the hot sun. Two minutes is plenty of time to get across the most important sentiments, touch on the key aspects of your love, and still have a few vows at the end. Longer than that and it can easily be a bit tiresome and potentially start throwing off your timeline. Whatever you decide, it’s very important that you read it out loud, time it, and let your planner know how long it will be. 

2) Personalization, Specificity, & Originality

Great vows don’t use generic language or clichés: They are personalized, specific, and original. For example, don’t say things like “you’re my person” but instead say “From that day that you stood in line—in the rain—to get me some pizza from Chiccareli’s because you knew it would make me happy after a hard day at work… I knew I was yours.” Don’t just talk about how much you love them… talk about WHY you love them. What do they do, specifically, that you love? What is it about them that is different? How do they show their love for you? What are the specific examples of how? 

Some people, when they first hear about our business, Vows & Speeches, mistakenly think that getting help with writing their vows might make it less personal. In actuality, our interview process helps us dive deeper into their story and feelings about their partner and their relationship then they would have on their own. Over and over again, it’s the specific details we’re able to dislodge—sometimes little moments or aspects of our client’s relationship—that make for the best moments in their vows. 

Photo credit: Danny Dong

3) Humor

Every good relationship has an element of humor, so your vows should as well. Talk about what’s funny about you two. What makes you laugh? What do you tease each other about (that would be appropriate for a wedding). What do they do or collect that amuses you? What do they like that you hate, but can joke about? When we’re interviewing our clients, we’re looking for those fun parts that maybe won’t be laugh-out-loud jokes, but will put a smile on people’s faces and serve as a counterbalance and release from the heavily sentimental love stuff. Just don’t make jokes that could be potentially embarrassing, upsetting, or otherwise inappropriate for such an important moment. 

Photo credit: Ben Ingram

4) Roughly equal length and quality

There is nothing more awkward that seeing one person say beautiful, fun, and meaningful vows that they clearly put a lot of time and thought into, and then it’s followed with vows that are super-short or clearly thrown together at the last minute after Googling “how to write wedding vows.” If one of you is struggling, lack the writing skills to put it together, or are just running out of time, then get help! We’re happy to help you make it shine. 

Photo credit: Danny Dong

5) Your actual vows have originality

At the end, there are usually 3-4 actual vows or promises, and as with the other parts of the vows, you’ll want to avoid anything generic or commonly used. 

Instead, make promises that speak to what you know about your partner, or what you hope to do to be a better partner to them. You can also have a bit of fun with them. It’s the personalization of the actual vows—the originality that is specific to you and your relationship—that will make them meaningful and more engaging.  

Here are some examples:



Vows & Speeches helps you find the words that are in your heart, and gives you the delivery coaching you need to make these moments everything they can be. If you would like some help to make your vows shine, or have questions, please reach out to [email protected], and for more information on Vows & Speeches, visit: https://vowsandspeeches.com.