Expert tips from professional speechwriter Brian Franklin at Vows&Speeches
Here at A Day Like No Other, we always team up with experts in their own (wedding-related) fields to optimally serve our clients – and you, our readers! Today again we are delighted to present to you in-depth advice from Brian Franklin, co-founder of Vows&Speeches, an agency specializing in writing vows, toasts and speeches for weddings. So here we go:
Whenever I hear of people exchanging their vows in private, I feel a sense of disappointment. I wish I could have talked to them, because not only are there very compelling reasons to say your vows in the ceremony, a lot of the fear and anxiety that are often keeping people from doing so can be overcome.
Here are some of the reasons couples should do their own vows:
1) Your vows are often one of the best parts of the wedding day:
The vows, when personalized, are many people’s favorite parts! When you say your own vows—which are as much of a declaration of your love and appreciation as they are vows—it’s more powerful than the ring exchange or the I-dos. Your vows are where we get first hand insight from both of you as to what you love the most about each other, what makes you laugh, and ultimately, why we’re all here to see this. It’s a beautiful moment of vulnerability and more impactful than anyone else saying it on your behalf. If you don’t say them, do generic ones, or say them in private, you’re denying yourself the opportunity to learn about you.
2) When your guests hear your (personalized) vows, it changes the event:
When you say your own vows, then entire vibe of the event changes. People forget that many of the people in the audience may not know your story as a couple. Perhaps they came from out of town, or they’re more friends of one of the parents. Even your own friends may not know some of your funny backstory or what you saw that caught your eye on that dating app. By giving your story from your (sometimes different) perspectives, your guests can understand you better, and they get more invested in the rest of the event. Importantly, you also get to hear your fiancé say out loud all of the reasons why they love YOU, which is an awesome moment for you as you’re about to seal the deal.
3) The way to alleviate public speaking fears:
There’s a two-part prescription for alleviating any fear (or terror) you might have about public saying your own vows in front of others: Content & Preparation. (Okay… for some of you, there’s a third part: a shot of whiskey.)
When you love your vows—when you’re truly happy with what’s written and confident your vows represent how you feel and are written well—they’re simply easier to say.
This is where time is important: You need to give yourself adequate time, not just for the writing part, but for practicing out loud in front of someone who can help you with the delivery. By saying your vows, 15-20 times, out loud, you automatically get more and more comfortable. When you add some coaching on how to deliver your vows better, the fear starts to evaporate. It becomes something you know how to do.
When you love the content and you’ve been given guidance on the delivery aspects, it changes everything about how you go into these moments.
There’s an added bonus for those of you prone to sentimental crying: The act of saying your vows out loud, over and over again, takes enough of the sting out of the words to allow you to get through them without sobbing jags. Don’t worry, you’ll still get the feels, just not in the way you might be worried about.
4) They’re as much of a memento to your love as any picture, video, or keepsake.
You will always have them. Whether you watch the video, see a picture of your partner reading them, or hang them in written form on your wall, your vows are a tribute to your love and that moment you will cherish forever. During hard times, should they ever come, they become something to reference.
Vows & Speeches helps you find the words that are in your heart, and gives you the delivery coaching you need to make these moments everything they can be. For more information on how we can help you create custom vows, or for info on our wedding speech or ceremony services (or for other engagements), please visit https://vowsandspeeches.com or email [email protected] for more info. More information on our vows services can be found here.
Brian Franklin is a communications and public speaking expert and the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches. Prior to Vows & Speeches, he was a communications and advertising consultant for political and public affairs campaigns. He’s been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, ABC News, Brides, Bridal Guide, the Knot, and many more.